Sometimes, when I can't sleep despite being so tired, I think about my day. Like today.......
I run through events, try to complete unfinished thoughts, and empty my mind.
-Breakfast with my daughters. So rare they are both home and both available. Their schedules, my schedule....So nice to have the time. In a few weeks, they will both be gone, off to school again.
-my appointments today, my clinical work....A bipolar woman who is appreciating mood stability for the first time ever, and establishing "normal" for herself...a woman struggling with feelings of betrayal and questioning if she can ever trust her spouse again after discovering he is a sex addict....a daughter, grieving the death of her mother and slowly healing as she reconnects with family and friends she had long abandoned....a single father raising a son and daughter under the shadow of an abusive mother he loathes but must still live with.....a couple who never really got to know each other because children came along quickly and interrupted intimacy...
-I had some really good fried rice for dinner...take-out from a restaurant near my office. there's some left and it's in my fridge...hmmmmm...thinking of finishing it off.
-great conversation with a friend on the drive home from work.....we talked about how God appears to us at the oddest of times and how it's so freaky but NICE when that happens..
-walking my dog on the trail at dusk. We owned the trail because no one else was out. It was quiet and a slight fog was setting in. It smelled so nice...pine needles, some sort of wild flowers.
-chatting briefly with some friends on line before going to bed.
-snuggling with my husband(and the cat)in bed.......falling asleep..........only to wake up 20 minutes later....
=oh yeah, and I'm remembering that I forgot to water the plants outside when I got home and it was pretty hot today...it's ok, they'll be fine, It was only in the 80's today, not the 90's...
It was a good day. It had the main and most important ingredients: time with family, meaningful work, great food, friends, my home and my pets.
Life is good........
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Going Home
"I will be still in an instant and go home"
For me, this is a very powerful directive. It is about recognizing who I REALLY am and why I am here in this life. The text that this statement comes from talks about that KNOWING that we all have, that we are in this world but not "of this world", that we came from another place and in our very distant memory, we have a deep longing for that place. I remind myself daily that I am NOT a physical being having a spiritual experience, but rather a spiritual being having a physical experience. "going home" is that remembering of where I came from, my Source, with whom I am still quite connected, even though I don't always recognize it in my daily flurry of activities.
When I follow this directive, everything calms in an instant.
What is the result of this "going home"?. It translates into a dramatic change in how I live the minutes of each day, the days of each week. When I "go home" I don't worry so much about traffic, and bills, and chores. In the stillness is an expansion of my awareness of the freedom I have to make positive choices. In the stillness is an expansion of my awareness of LOVE. In the stillness, I bask in gratitude. It FEELS so freeing.
Someday, for real, we will "go home". We will all die and move on. All of our worrying about this and that and money and stress and responsibilities and oil spills and everything else we all worry about will just......fade......away.....
Sometimes people come to this realization as their lives are ending.
Others are able to grasp this reality and embrace it.
We don't have to wait until we are dying to be kind to someone, to let someone go ahead of us in traffic, to hear the birds sing, to feed the birds, to enjoy the sunshine as we go for a walk, to hug a friend, to practice forgiveness, to encourage someone who seems down, to stifle an impatient desire to hurry someone along, to sing a song. In an instant, we can choose a better response, we can be still and in an instant, go home.....
We don't have to wait until we go home, to "go home"
Again, the choice is in the remembering...
"I will be still and in an instant, go home"
For me, this is a very powerful directive. It is about recognizing who I REALLY am and why I am here in this life. The text that this statement comes from talks about that KNOWING that we all have, that we are in this world but not "of this world", that we came from another place and in our very distant memory, we have a deep longing for that place. I remind myself daily that I am NOT a physical being having a spiritual experience, but rather a spiritual being having a physical experience. "going home" is that remembering of where I came from, my Source, with whom I am still quite connected, even though I don't always recognize it in my daily flurry of activities.
When I follow this directive, everything calms in an instant.
What is the result of this "going home"?. It translates into a dramatic change in how I live the minutes of each day, the days of each week. When I "go home" I don't worry so much about traffic, and bills, and chores. In the stillness is an expansion of my awareness of the freedom I have to make positive choices. In the stillness is an expansion of my awareness of LOVE. In the stillness, I bask in gratitude. It FEELS so freeing.
Someday, for real, we will "go home". We will all die and move on. All of our worrying about this and that and money and stress and responsibilities and oil spills and everything else we all worry about will just......fade......away.....
Sometimes people come to this realization as their lives are ending.
Others are able to grasp this reality and embrace it.
We don't have to wait until we are dying to be kind to someone, to let someone go ahead of us in traffic, to hear the birds sing, to feed the birds, to enjoy the sunshine as we go for a walk, to hug a friend, to practice forgiveness, to encourage someone who seems down, to stifle an impatient desire to hurry someone along, to sing a song. In an instant, we can choose a better response, we can be still and in an instant, go home.....
We don't have to wait until we go home, to "go home"
Again, the choice is in the remembering...
"I will be still and in an instant, go home"
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