Often I write about recurring themes, in my work and in my life (or both). The writing helps me to connect the dots, so to speak and to make better sense of the recurring themes. Over the past two weeks, I have had two patients come in complaining about phantom limb pain. The one person had a hip replacement a couple years previous, and was still having occasional pain. The second person came in a couple days later, dealing with chronic pain issues. He was a veteran and had suffered some broken and shattered bones. He stated his doctor told him he had healed well and the residual pain was "phantom limb" pain, even though he had not had an amputation. He talked about the discussion he had with his physician about chronic pain, brain neurology, and "pain pathways". His doctor told him the pain would continue to subside in time, as the pain pathways extinguished themselves.
A day or so later, I had another patient come in and talk about how she needed to "let go" of past hurts and her realization that holding on to and replaying the old hurts in her mind was detrimental to her. It kept her steeped in the pain.
Pain is pain. Each of these individuals was sharing experiences related to pain and to pain pathways. In a previous post (Use it or Lose it), I wrote about brain pathways, how the brain is "wired" and how our thoughts create neural pathways in the brain. The more we "use" a thought, the more established that pathway becomes in the brain. The less we "use" a thought, the less active that particular pathway becomes in the brain.
Emotional pain can become like "phantom limb' pain. The injury and hurt occurred long ago, but we keep "replaying" the incidents over and over in our brain, reinforcing the pain pathway. Of course, I am not talking about severe trauma or abuse which results in Acute Stress Disorder or PTSD. These disorders involve hyperarousal of the central nervous system and require specific interventions to assist the person who has been traumatized. I am talking about the "normal" kinds of hurt and pain we experience in life. People deliberately hurt us for various reasons, loved ones disappoint us, bad things happen in life and we feel emotional pain.
The theraputic process allows people to let go of pain. In therapy, people are able to recognize the pain, allow themselves to fully feel it, forgive, and let go, (cut off or "amputate" the pain). Often, that process involves some rituals. People may write letters or keep a diary of "hurts", then when they are ready, they move to forgiveness and symbolically "let go" of the pain, burying the writings, or burning or shredding them. Years ago, I had a patient who wrote a series of letters to deceased relatives and when each letter was complete, he went to the grave site, read the letter, tied it to helium balloons, and watched as they floated away. He experienced such a sense of relief watching the "hurts" float up, up, and far away.
In my own life, I have nursed hurts and pains. I have "run through" hurtful situations over and over in my mind. It is interesting that it seems as if the more I entertain the thought or memory, the more the thought hangs around. Who wouldn't, if you are throwing a party and entertaining them (the thoughts)? When I decided to close that door, to acknowledge the hurt or injustice then let go, and escort it out the door, the pain subsides. I have come to see the wisdom in forgiving and letting go. No more "phantom hurt" pain. No more spectors of the past hanging around and popping up to annoy or torture me. The pain pathways have lost their strength and power. The memories remain but they don't hold the emotional impact. I have moved on.
We all have the power, and the choice, to let go and move on. Whether it be a hurtful event, a bad day at work, a betrayal, a loss, we can choose to acknowledge, then move on. We can choose not to "go down that road" again. We can choose a healing and more benevolent pathway to go down. Our pain will extinguish itself, in time. We can continue to experience the pain (much like phantom limb pain) or we can heal. We can establish new, healthier pathways in our brains.
"Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again?"....Rosa Parks
Let's not keep reactivating old pain. Let's allow our brains to generate new and healthy.
