This posting is not about the Beatles, although "Let it Be' is one of my favorite Beatles songs and there is so much wisdom in that song. (maybe that's for another posting).
"Letting it Be" is something I am currently thinking a lot about and trying to actively weave into my daily experiences. "Letting it be", to me, means two things: acknowledging/feeling AND letting go. "Letting it be" means sitting in the stillness of me and the emotion and moment and letting whatever happens, happen. It also means breathing into that "whatever happens" and holding it. Then, I honor the "whatever happens" and smile and breathe again and just...let..go......
Of course, I try to teach this skill to others and I am focused on it more intently recently, because I am learning more about it and seeing the process in a little different light. I'm reading the book "Allowing" by Holly Riley, in which she shares her wonderful story of a near death experience and her subsequent healing process. It's a wonderful book and I recommend it to anyone needing any kind of healing (which isn't that like 99% of us?)
So often, we try not to feel and we do this in all different kinds of ways. Sometimes we outright "stuff" our feelings because we believe they are too painful and we just can't (don't want) to feel them. Other times we more cleverly stuff them by saying we need to change our thoughts about our experiences. This enables us to fast forward through the "feeling" piece and move almost immediately to thinking differently. Ooops. we missed that critical piece in there, the "acknowledging the feeling" piece and honoring it for a moment.....
"Acknowledging the feeling" doesn't mean not feeling. It also doesn't mean staying steeped in the pain. Acknowledging our emotions isn't usually an all-or-nothing venture. Maybe another way to think about it is to see the acknowledgement as an embrace or "hug". We can embrace the moment, hug it and really hold it, then....let go.....
Here's what I have noticed in my clinical work and in my day-to-day going about in the world over the past several days:
-a woman, who has a history of unresolved childhood trauma, who is running in circles, steeped in the pain of a dysfunctional relationship with an addict, who gives her mixed messages and places her worth second to his addiction, and keeps betraying her and thereby replicates her history of trauma, abuse, and victimization. And, she avoids feeling any of the loss and deep sadness and anger. So, she hurts herself and drinks and engages in other dysfunctional behaviors. In sessions, she is able to sit with the feelings for brief moments, and I encourage her to breathe through it. And she comes out on the other side and feels so much better and empowered.
-Several people, who are dealing with the loss a a relationship with family members. They came for treatment after all their attempts to "fix" things failed and they had no choice but to move toward acceptance of the situation. Then the grieving starts, and all the feelings they have been fighting off emerge and FEEL overwhelming. It is like the river that erupts after the dam breaks. As they allow the feelings and move through them, they are able to embrace themselves and feel empowered.
-As I feel stress about the weather, and my commute to and from the office, and the situation in Bahrain, and the status of health care reform, I can take a deep breathe, feel the internal chaos and anxiety and frustration and smile and let it go....allow it it's voice, honor it's voice, then move on.
-I overheard a conversation the other day. Two women were talking about "letting go" of their children, who were high school seniors, contemplating going away to college next Fall. One woman said she was avoiding thinking about it (not allowing her feelings) and would "just deal with it" when it happened. The other woman said she had been dealing with it for the past year, by savoring every moment with her son - the "great" moments of achievements and awards, as well as the "mundane" moments of drives to school and practices and nightly dinners. The second woman has been able to sit with her feelings and allowing herself to honor the pain and loss and thereby using that process to embrace the present.
-An acquaintance was telling me about her migraines. She said when she feels it coming on, she recognizes it as a message from her "self". She becomes quiet and recognizes the fear of "oh no, not again", and allows that, then she usually feels something underneath the fear and that's usually the "cause" of the migraine. She has had success reducing the intensity of the migraine by staying with the root feeling or "cause' and responding to those emotions. As she allows the emotions, the headache often dissipates...She said she used to panic and immediately pop a pill. Now, she accepts that the migraine is a symptom of some "unresponded to" emotion. Acknowledging and allowing the emotion creates the symptom reduction.
Why do we have such an aversion to feeling? We want to feel good, but then avoid anything that we determine feels "bad". Many messages are in the painful feelings and the path to our healing goes through the pain. Resisting keeps it locked up inside of us.
Try this experiment and do a quick scan every day. Be the objective observer and NOTICE what you are feeling. Don't judge the emotion, just notice it, label it if you like. Then ALLOW yourself to just sit with it for a moment or two, hold it, feel it, then imagine it as a mist that fades away or a bird that flies off or a leaf gently moving downstream on a creek.
This is "letting it be". This is accepting and allowing and ultimately moving on. It's not running from or hiding from what hurts.
"When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but will also understand peace and joy"...A Course in Miracles
