Recently, I walked a labyrinth. It was only the second time I have done this. I didn't know what to expect. I was experiencing loss, a good kind of loss, a moving on kind of loss. I was leaving part time employment at a physician's office. I had, at one time, worked there full time. I saw many wonderful people (patients), bonded together with amazing colleagues, and had learned much from those experiences. It was time to move on. I KNEW it. I had RESISTED it. It was like the universe had been telling me to move on for a few years. For various reasons, my work load had dwindled and I shifted to other locations - one day a week, 2 to 3 days a week until finally I was only one day a week at this office. It wasn't making sense for me to stay, I had plenty of work elsewhere. Yet, I lingered.....one day every other week.......a half day every other week.......
My private practice was growing and I needed to let go and move on......
So, I did, and from the moment I handed in my resignation letter, I felt a tremendous sense of freedom. I KNEW it was the right thing to do and I was FINALLY going to move on.
My final day. With a sense of sadness and excitement, I anticipated my final day...and it arrived.
I awoke that morning, feeling the sense of loss and a kind of dread. I didn't want to go and say goodbye to that place, that period in my life, my patients and colleagues. I had a plan: have a quiet lunch to myself and go and walk the labyrinth before work.
I'm a planner, I like having a "plan". I also like to "celebrate" events, to fully experience the moments and to do something to commemorate the experience.
My quiet lunch was wonderful. Time to myself, a friendly food server, good food.
My drive to the labyrinth felt purposeful. I parked my car in the rear of the parking lot and glanced over at the hillside and the trails, where the labyrinth was. I said a quiet prayer in my car and celebrated this moment. I got out of my car and experienced the beauty of the day. It was sunny and warm, not hot. I listened to the birds, the traffic from the highway, the sounds of life all around me. I stood for a few moments at the gazebo which led to the trail. I knew this was a perfect moment and I wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could. I slowly walked up the path to the labyrinth, listening to the sounds of life, smelling the earth, appreciating the sunshine on my skin and the gentle breeze, appreciating the earth beneath my feet which was supporting and sustaining me.
I sat at the small bench by the labyrinth and took off my shoes and socks. I wanted to do this right, it felt right to walk in my bare feet, nothing to separate me from the earth and the experiences it offered me.
I stood in front of the entrance and said a prayer, a meditation, focusing on a question and connecting to the earth. The moment had arrived. It was time to walk......
Time seemed to collapse at this point. I just walked.....and listened to my heart.....and paused and walked again and let my spirit lead me. The interesting thing about a labyrinth is that, unlike a maze, it is one solid line. No decisions to make about direction to go. You just follow your path. A labyrinth is a metaphor for life.....keep walking and follow your path.....and while you follow your path, listen to your SELF and you will know when to pause, when to move forward, when to walk briskly, when to slow down.
I walked slowly, savoring the experience (I don't want to rush through my life), I appreciated the beautiful round rocks that lined the labyrinth, I noticed the dirt and rubble tickling my feet. I felt compelled at times to step off the path and stand on some of the round, solid rocks and to have that experience of being held and supported by something so beautiful and strong. And, the turns in the path.....I did each one differently. Some I walked through slowly, appreciating the change of direction with excitement. At others, I felt compelled to stop before I moved into the turn. This is where the intuitive message came to me "Pause and breathe, let go, then move on". Very simple, yet profound. From that point on, I paused and let go, before I moved on through each turn. It became meditative and then at a very deep level, I realized I do not always let go in life before I move on. As I deliberately followed my internal guide and paused to let go before each turn, I realized my delay in making changes in life is because I do not stay in the moment of loss and letting go. I often hang on and hang on and hang on.....avoiding the upcoming turn and when I do arrive at it, I zoom through it, elated with the experience of change but avoiding the bulk of the loss that accompanies it. I felt a sense of sadness for myself.
With excitement, I reached the center. I paused and appreciated the message of the labyrinth. I smiled a lot. Then I slowly walked the path out to the opening again, appreciating the lessons I learned about the twists and turns and life's changes and the strength and beauty of the rocks and the path and the nature all around me, embracing me.
Now, each time on my path of life, when I find myself resisting change, I pause and breathe and let go. The letting go part gives me much strength. I have come to realize that the letting go ALLOWS me to move forward with strength and grace. We have to keep moving forward in life and holding each experience that the path of life brings us before we move through the twists and turns.
If you have never walked a labyrinth, do so. Follow your path, follow your path, follow your path and learn about yourself.
