It's Easter week. I have to admit, I never really liked Easter much. As a kid, I LOVED the chocolate. My mom used to buy only the good, expensive stuff, no cheap chocolate for us. But, that's about all I ever liked about it. I HATED getting dressed up and going to church. I remember one particular Easter when I was in high school that it snowed. I mean, it really snowed, probably at least six inches and we COULDN'T GO TO CHURCH. I believed it was my best Easter ever.
Today, I'm still not a great fan of Easter and I just have been realizing why. For me, it's never been something I could use in a PRACTICAL way. Like, it's a GREAT story and there's so much that's GREAT in it that I can and want to incorporate into my daily life - love, forgiveness, grace, sacrifice, redemption......what's not to like about any of that?
Resurrection...now, there's something that seems much more PRACTICAL to me. So, in light of what I have been blogging about (internal change and self-correction), I am focusing on internal change this week - internal resurrection. I want to keep working on changing my thoughts, away from separation and back to oneness.
When I see the Easter images, I will think "I too can change, become more loving and accepting, and let go of (or die to) my old ways of thinking". Sometimes I "don't know what to think", or I want to change the way I think. So, I ask God to help me to think differently. It, at times, is my mantra - "God help me to change my thinking...God help me to change my thinking...." As a therapist, I know the power of changing one's thoughts - cognitive behavioral therapy is effective and I use it a lot in my clinical work. So, personally, when I suspend my own thinking for even a few moments and ask God to "change my thinking", this opens a door and fresh thought enters. Not always immediately, but if my mantra remains "God help me to change my thinking...", then it always happens, a new, more sane, loving thought emerges. It's one of the daily miracles I experience, when I choose to focus on RESURRECTION vs MY thinking.
So, when my thoughts change, then my life changes. I don't act the same ways, I am calmer and more at peace. Caroline Myss, in her book "Defy Gravity" states, "There is no such thing as absorbing the power of a truth and having your life remain the same". Thank you Caroline for these thoughts. Thank you Jesus for the promise of resurrection.
I don't have to sit around and wait for the resurrection to "happen" for me some day (when I die and go to "heaven"). I can live the resurrection every day by taking responsibility for the quality of my thoughts and changing them. BIG PROJECT - wish me luck, and say a prayer.....
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Healthcare Reform
I'm not a political person although i have strong views about healthcare reform. Lately all of the debate about the recent approved healthcare plan has me livid at times. It actually "hurts my heart" at times when i hear the opposition. This has been my experience - many of the people I know who voice opposition are clueless about what actually goes on every day in the real world with health care. They sit in their big houses with their nice jobs and new cars and great health care plans and say "What's the problem?" or, they recognize there is a problem but they say "Why should the government get involved?"
Every day i see people fall between the cracks. This is what I see on a daily basis - working class people whose employers offer no healthcare benefits, working class people who can't afford to purchase healthcare because of the high cost, people with healthcare who still can't receive care because of high copays, people with insurance who have no or ridiculous prescription drug benefits so they don't take life sustaining medications because they can't afford them, people who lose jobs and can't afford cobra,people who are excluded from coverage because of pre=existing conditions, on and on.....
Why should the government get involved? Why not - someone has to FINALLY do something!!! If insurance companies and Big Pharma wanted to self correct and alleviate some of the issues, they would have done so DECADES ago. They have no interest in fixing the problems because that would eat into their HUGE profits.
I though maybe when some of the recent legislation was enacted restricting pharmaceutical companies from some of the questionable marketing practices, we would see more drug samples coming into physicians offices, to dispense to people without coverage. Less pens, cups, stickie notes, and other marketing paraphanelia, and more product to patients. has this happened? No, actually the opposite has occurred. Drug reps bring fewer and fewer samples. We used to be able to give medication samples to people without coverage, now we can only say "IF the drug rep brings it in and IF we have it." I have seen "Patient Assistance programs" offered by drug companies become more restrictive, so that, for example, a family of four with a combined income of 23,000.00 a year is considered to have "too high" of an income to qualify. The industry creates these highly restrictive guidelines that few people can in reality meet and then say they have social conscience because they offer "Patient Assistance Programs".
What hurts the most, i think, is that people JUST DON"T GET IT.
So, then I turn inside and look at ME and say 'What is it about me that I am seeing in this issue?" and "Why does this bug me so much?"
In my past, as a child, the big people in my life, who were supposed to take care of me, JUST DIDN"T GET IT. They were clueless in many ways about the needs of a child. I think I'm over that but it still strikes a chord when I see this in the world.
I've always been an advocate for the downtrodden, those in pain, the misunderstood. Maybe it just hurts me more than the average person to see the social inequalities and injustices. Maybe that's ok. Probably that's a really good thing. It makes me good at what i do. It makes me more compassionate. Rev. Robert Schuller used to say "Turn your scars into stars". We can always bring good from negative, if we CHOOSE to.
Over the past couple days, as I have been pondering all of this, I have decided to look at this differently. I have decided to look at the people who represent to me, the "other side of the fence" in regard to healthcare reform, as my agents for internal change. Their "cluelessness' represents to me an opportunity to self-correct, to be more compassionate, to soldier on in "being the change I wish to see in the world". I can be annoyed with my perception of their lack of understanding, or I can move beyond this and love people, all people more. I'm working at it....wish me luck....(and say a prayer for all of us).
Every day i see people fall between the cracks. This is what I see on a daily basis - working class people whose employers offer no healthcare benefits, working class people who can't afford to purchase healthcare because of the high cost, people with healthcare who still can't receive care because of high copays, people with insurance who have no or ridiculous prescription drug benefits so they don't take life sustaining medications because they can't afford them, people who lose jobs and can't afford cobra,people who are excluded from coverage because of pre=existing conditions, on and on.....
Why should the government get involved? Why not - someone has to FINALLY do something!!! If insurance companies and Big Pharma wanted to self correct and alleviate some of the issues, they would have done so DECADES ago. They have no interest in fixing the problems because that would eat into their HUGE profits.
I though maybe when some of the recent legislation was enacted restricting pharmaceutical companies from some of the questionable marketing practices, we would see more drug samples coming into physicians offices, to dispense to people without coverage. Less pens, cups, stickie notes, and other marketing paraphanelia, and more product to patients. has this happened? No, actually the opposite has occurred. Drug reps bring fewer and fewer samples. We used to be able to give medication samples to people without coverage, now we can only say "IF the drug rep brings it in and IF we have it." I have seen "Patient Assistance programs" offered by drug companies become more restrictive, so that, for example, a family of four with a combined income of 23,000.00 a year is considered to have "too high" of an income to qualify. The industry creates these highly restrictive guidelines that few people can in reality meet and then say they have social conscience because they offer "Patient Assistance Programs".
What hurts the most, i think, is that people JUST DON"T GET IT.
So, then I turn inside and look at ME and say 'What is it about me that I am seeing in this issue?" and "Why does this bug me so much?"
In my past, as a child, the big people in my life, who were supposed to take care of me, JUST DIDN"T GET IT. They were clueless in many ways about the needs of a child. I think I'm over that but it still strikes a chord when I see this in the world.
I've always been an advocate for the downtrodden, those in pain, the misunderstood. Maybe it just hurts me more than the average person to see the social inequalities and injustices. Maybe that's ok. Probably that's a really good thing. It makes me good at what i do. It makes me more compassionate. Rev. Robert Schuller used to say "Turn your scars into stars". We can always bring good from negative, if we CHOOSE to.
Over the past couple days, as I have been pondering all of this, I have decided to look at this differently. I have decided to look at the people who represent to me, the "other side of the fence" in regard to healthcare reform, as my agents for internal change. Their "cluelessness' represents to me an opportunity to self-correct, to be more compassionate, to soldier on in "being the change I wish to see in the world". I can be annoyed with my perception of their lack of understanding, or I can move beyond this and love people, all people more. I'm working at it....wish me luck....(and say a prayer for all of us).
Sunday, March 7, 2010
More on Forgiveness
In a previous post, I talked about forgiveness, as a process. I shared with readers that my daughter was at a shooting scene. Given that forgiveness is truly a process, this process continues on.......
A couple weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about THAT NIGHT, the night of the shootings. She had not known what happened and was asking questions. It got me to thinking..... She told me later that she googled some things and found the pictures and that they were horrific.......I had not seen the pictures since they were published, so I googled some myself, and THERE THEY WERE. I started to cry, it was like a river.....I cried for the victims of the shootings. I cried for ALL the victims, living and deceased,and their families. I cried for my daughters. I cried for myself. I cried that we live in such a crazy world. I cried for ALL OF US. It felt so strange to be crying now, months later but then I realized I was crying the tears that I could not cry back then, because back then it was JUST TOO REAL.
Life has gone on, for everyone. I wonder about the women who died, their families, and how do they just go on? I think about the people I saw that night, and talked with, some who were inside when the shootings occurred, some were family members, like me. For my family, it has impacted us all, in different ways. My daughter is healing and has the wisdom to strive to bring good out of all of this. She will NEVER be the same but she is making sure that is in good and positive ways.I am so proud of her.
Last night THE DREAM reappeared. I am running around locking doors because I have to keep my family safe. Running, running, locking doors over and over because there are people with guns who are coming to harm us. This time, the dream was a little different and more hopeful. This time, there were other people running around with me, finding me hiding places, helping me to lock doors, acting as sentries. This time the dream progressed to the end, and the threats were gone, and we were all safe. Sigh. That's the way the real story ended for me and my family, but not for the three women who died.......
Forgiveness is an ongoing process.....
A couple weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about THAT NIGHT, the night of the shootings. She had not known what happened and was asking questions. It got me to thinking..... She told me later that she googled some things and found the pictures and that they were horrific.......I had not seen the pictures since they were published, so I googled some myself, and THERE THEY WERE. I started to cry, it was like a river.....I cried for the victims of the shootings. I cried for ALL the victims, living and deceased,and their families. I cried for my daughters. I cried for myself. I cried that we live in such a crazy world. I cried for ALL OF US. It felt so strange to be crying now, months later but then I realized I was crying the tears that I could not cry back then, because back then it was JUST TOO REAL.
Life has gone on, for everyone. I wonder about the women who died, their families, and how do they just go on? I think about the people I saw that night, and talked with, some who were inside when the shootings occurred, some were family members, like me. For my family, it has impacted us all, in different ways. My daughter is healing and has the wisdom to strive to bring good out of all of this. She will NEVER be the same but she is making sure that is in good and positive ways.I am so proud of her.
Last night THE DREAM reappeared. I am running around locking doors because I have to keep my family safe. Running, running, locking doors over and over because there are people with guns who are coming to harm us. This time, the dream was a little different and more hopeful. This time, there were other people running around with me, finding me hiding places, helping me to lock doors, acting as sentries. This time the dream progressed to the end, and the threats were gone, and we were all safe. Sigh. That's the way the real story ended for me and my family, but not for the three women who died.......
Forgiveness is an ongoing process.....
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Ron=God
I met an interesting man the other day. I was sitting in the waiting area at my doctor's office and he entered the waiting room as well and smiled, as he looked into my face and stated "you have a pure heart". He told me his name was Ron and after awhile of rambling on and on to me about himself and his religious experiences, he finally sat down next to me. Since I am a therapist, this sort of thing doesn't usually bother me - I meet all kinds of people and am very accepting of "kookiness". I admit I only half listened to his rambling but with amusement enjoyed his delivery and the kindness he was exhibiting. He talked about the saints and miracles and his catholicism and most importantly, his relationship with God. Near the end of our encounter, right before I was being called back to my appointment, he handed me a card of Jesus carrying his cross - it's really very pretty, with a shiny gold border and a shiny gold halo around Christ's head. Then Ron said to me "God wants you to know that you worry way too much. You are a Mom, it's natural but God wants you to know not to worry". I kindly thanked Ron and wished him well and walked back to the exam room. As I sat there waiting for the doctor to arrive, Ron's kindness was on my mind. Do I think he was a kook? Who knows, and it didn't matter to me. I was not the doctor in this situation and he was not the patient. I was not evaluating him, I was just another person, making a brief but touching connection with him, and accepting the gift of encouragement he had to offer.
So, since then, his words ring in my mind. When I start to worry, I hear the voice of God, thru Ron saying "You worry too much!!!"I carry around the golden Jesus card and keep it in my appointment book. I pull it out and think of Ron at times, then I smile. I remember the kindness of a stranger. Isn't this what Christianity is all about anyway - It's about loving others, being kind, offering love and encouragement to one another. To me, it's not so much about the BIG things we do but the every day kindnesses we share. Mother Teresa said "We can do no great things, only small things with great love". Was this a synchronistic event meant to encourage me at a low moment? I like to think that it is. Thanks God, thanks Ron.
So, since then, his words ring in my mind. When I start to worry, I hear the voice of God, thru Ron saying "You worry too much!!!"I carry around the golden Jesus card and keep it in my appointment book. I pull it out and think of Ron at times, then I smile. I remember the kindness of a stranger. Isn't this what Christianity is all about anyway - It's about loving others, being kind, offering love and encouragement to one another. To me, it's not so much about the BIG things we do but the every day kindnesses we share. Mother Teresa said "We can do no great things, only small things with great love". Was this a synchronistic event meant to encourage me at a low moment? I like to think that it is. Thanks God, thanks Ron.
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