Writing a New Story

I just finished Donald Miller's new book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years". For me, reading Don's work is an experience. His writing stays with me, long after the book is finished. I have been very contemplative while reading it and have read it very slowly.......not wanting the book to ever end.......but it finally did, this evening. I had one short chapter left and I resisted reading it......but the end finally came. So, as I have been reading it over the past few weeks and digesting it, I now am wanting to write about the messages it has given me.

In the book, Don talks about not "having a life", recognizing that his life is boring and that all he does is sit on the couch and watch tv. He begins to learn about the elements of "story" and decides to incorporate story into his life, and thereby creates a much more deep and meaningful existence. In his words, "I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgment. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants".
I've been thinking about my own life and I have to admit, I have few regrets. I have always lived my life in a quiet but daring kind of way. I believe it goes back to a scrape with death at age 21, when my appendix ruptured not once, but twice. I laid in bed, post surgery, for two weeks with tubes everywhere, and nothing but time on my hands, to think. (Back then, there were no tvs in hospital rooms). And the doctors told me it was a miracle, I was very lucky to be alive, that no one's appendix ruptures, seals over, and after a month of all that poison in their system, to have it rupture again, and live to tell of it.......And I was sick and afraid and I laid in bed and thought and thought and thought......What would my life have meant if I died at 21? I hadn't accomplished anything, I hadn't even graduated from college yet.....I didn't even really know who I was and what I was meant to do or be........And those thoughts continued on as I continued to recover and to eventually return to college and graduate, and marry, and go back to school, and live my life........always with a sense of awe and wonder and PURPOSE. That medical emergency turned out to be a turning point for me.
So, as I have been reading and pondering Don's book for the last couple of weeks, I have been noticing "people who move and breathe and face conflict with courage" and the images have become like a collage....each its own beautiful picture to me, and all together, a powerful statement. I'd like to share a few of these:

-my 92 year old nursing home resident, who said goodbye to me, knowing intuitively that she would not see me again. She took advantage of our last visit together to let go of some feelings, to forgive some people, and to say thank you and goodbye to me! She came to the realization that she had a life well lived.
-my friend, who at age 48, ran her first marathon. She ran it with purpose and yes, she did complete it. I am so proud of her.
-a woman, who at age 58, decided to "get off the couch" and create a life that involves more than work and coming home and watching tv. She is going out and trying new things and finding happiness in ways she never expected.
-my daughter's friend, Gabrielle, who right now, today, is in New Orleans, spending her summer helping victims of Katrina. She writes about the daily joys and struggles and hopes and fears, in her blog. She went there knowing no one and is facing significant hardship. She learns something new every day.
-my oldest daughter, who is about to complete her first year of medical school. Being a physician and serving the underserved is her passion and her calling. It has been a difficult year, as is expected, but for her especially given that she left home and moved to a new city and started medical school THREE DAYS after being at a horrific shooting scene where three women died (as mentioned in my previous posts).
-an established health care professional who is pursuing his passion for music by writing and performing, "putting himself out there", and thereby facing many fears.
-a young woman dealing with the grief of a siblings suicide and struggling to bring good, purposeful action out of the tragedy.

These are each snapshots of courage. All of these people are just "normal" people. They all "got up off the couch" and started living in a more purposeful way, even if it was just to complete the final days of their life (as with my 92 year old patient). They are unwilling to be victims of a situation but are finding purpose. They have decided to "write a better story".

In closing this post, I will again quote Donald Miller, who says it far better than I ever could, "We have to get up off the couch and turn the television off, we have to blow up the inner-tubes and head to the river. We have to write the poem and deliver it in person. We have to pull the car off the road and hike to the top of the hill. We have to put on our suits, we have to dance at weddings....."

goodbye

Today, one of my nursing home patients said "goodbye" to me. She is 92 years old and tells me she is dying. She stopped being able to eat. She says her system has "stopped functioning" and she knows she is dying. She shared all kinds of feelings of sadness and loss. Then after "unloading" all of this, she said she felt better. She has a strong faith and this is a comfort. She thanked me for listening and caring. As we parted, she quietly, once again, said "goodbye - I know I won't see you again"......
It's so odd, I have worked as a therapist for 30 years, and no one has ever said "goodbye" in that way before. There are lots of goodbyes, many times for very good reasons - people heal, are doing much better, and move on, not needing the support any longer. People move geographically. Sometimes people leave without saying goodbye - they quit coming in for appointments, or they are doing fairly well but terminate prematurely, without saying a proper goodbye. Or they die - suicide, overdose, or they are sick and die. But in these situations, no one has ever said "goodbye" to me before they left. If it's a true desire to suicide, they don't tell me, they don't tell anyone, they just do it. The overdoses are always accidental - people do the same thing over and over and don't die but who knows why on that particular day they die.......and when people are sick and dying, they don't usually know that it will be the last time we meet, or if they know, they don't tell me.
So, today, my lovely 92 year old friend said "goodbye". What a special moment it was for me. You know, there's this part of me that wanted to scream "NO!!! don't be silly, you're not dying!!!!".....but she is 92 years old and she's no longer eating and she had a very powerful and moving dream about dying and is at peace.....So I didn't scream the thoughts that a part of me had.....I held her hand and listened and sent her love. And, in that final parting, when she once again affirmed that this really was goodbye and she would not see me again.....it was as if time stood still, for just a brief few moments......It felt so odd yet moving and purposeful.......Every day I learn from others. Today is a new lesson, a lesson about being in a sad and odd and moving moment and not trying to "fix" anything.....just being there with someone.....and feeling and accepting.