A Holy Encounter

Holy Encounters happen every day. They are not something mysterious, but are actually fairly common. The trick is to recognize them. With recognition, they are learning opportunities.

Holy encounters happen when we encounter another person - plain and simple. There is so much opportunity for healing and growth when and if we see the encounter as a mirror:

...As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. (A Course in Miracles)

Some holy encounters are fun. They are my favorite kind - meeting a stranger and enjoying a laugh together, random pleasant conversations, direct, caring eye contact with another person. These encounters feel very good. We feel like we "connect" with someone and know and understand them. We are seeing in them the good and positive characteristics we also attribute to ourselves. We say we are "like minded".
Some holy encounters are mundane. We say hello to the kid at the gas station who rings us up, we chat with a coworker, order our lunch and leave a tip for our food server, call a business contact on the phone, have dinner conversation with family, all of the myriad of encounters we have each day. These have great potential to be healing, holy encounters if we go beyond the mundane aspects of the encounters and look at the other person as one with us. They are our mirrors. They challenge us to look at how we interact with others, even on that mundane, daily basis and notice what we see in that person and what that says about us. They are our mirror. How we treat them says much about how we think about ourselves.
Some holy encounters are difficult. These are the opportunities for the greatest healing and growth. Typically, when we are being criticized, treated unfairly, or misjudged we want to react with defensiveness and criticism of the other. But, if these encounters are also holy, and there is healing in it for us, we need to look at "where do I see myself in this?". I have a friend, Maureen, who always asks herself in these difficult encounters "How am I like that?". Doesn't this open a whole new can of worms??? It's not really about the other person, it's about me and my ability to see opportunities to grow and change in this situation.
Recently I had a particularly challenging situation which was frustrating in one respect, yet interesting and amazing in another respect. The owner of the building where I rent office space went on a tirade against me because I was putting my garbage in the "wrong place", unbeknownst to me, for the past year. So, he was harboring resentments instead of just talking to me and clarifying the situation. The tirade became really ugly when he drove to my neighborhood and strew a bag of garbage on my neighbor's front porch, thinking it was my porch (goes to show that a GPS is not always accurate).
Once I went through my human, ego reaction of being bewildered, distressed and outright indignant, I allowed myself to see this as a holy encounter......hmmm......I had that instant of recognition, that this event was an opportunity to look at myself.  As a therapist, I look at the symbolism - do I have psychic "garbage" that I am displacing? Do I avoid and harbor resentments? Do I misjudge and misperceive?  I guess I can yes to all of that, although not to any great extent. I'm pretty self aware and I try to learn from each experience and move on.
At a deeper level, I challenged myself to begin to look at, not how my brother misjudged me, but how do I misjudge my brother?  Misjudgement stems from misperception. So again,everything goes back to our thoughts. What are we thinking about other people? What are we thinking about ourselves?
This "holy encounter" points me back to the direction of taking responsibility for myself, for my thoughts, to be more vigilent about what I am thinking about my brother, to stop the negative thoughts and judgements and to think with compassion and remember "we are one". This holy encounter reminds me that in this situation, I can either find myself (see the projection) or lose myself (miss the opportunity to see the projection and  grow and change for the better)
Sometimes, on a daily, mundane basis, we need to deal with life and life's circumstances. We can always do this with compassion, if we choose. We clarify, apologize, problem solve. On a deeper level, we can also deal with life and life's circumstances in a spiritual way - see the other as our brother and a mirror of ourselves. If we stop projecting and seeing all the bad stuff as "out there, in the world" and shift our focus to changing the "bad" and negative thoughts we have, we will all change. All we can change is ourselves, we can't change others.

When you meet anyone, remember, it is a holy encounter.

God bless.

The Light of the World

I may never be a millionaire, funny I don't think I care
I may never see the mountain view, guess I don't need to
May never drive a fancy car or be a movie star
But I'll be, I'll be......the Light of the World
.....FFH

How different would we all be if we realized we are the Light of the World?
How differently would we think, and feel, and act, and problem solve and treat others, and approach each day?
The Light of the World isn't way up there somewhere in heaven, embodied by some ONE or some THING else. The light of the World is US. We are the same "stuff" as God, the same spirit and energy.
We dis-empower ourselves by believing that God is "up there" somewhere - some place else, separate from us.
Let's think different thoughts. If we believe we are the Light of the World, let's not place limits on who we can be.
Let's feel different emotions. If we believe we are the Light of the World, let's not feel so hopeless and helpless and angry and cynical.
Let's act differently. If we believe we are the Light of the World, let's practice patience, tolerance, compassion, understanding.
This morning I ran a 5K race and I was actually thinking about this as I ran. I felt lighter and stronger. I encouraged other runners as they zoomed past me and as I passed others. I slowed down for a moment to encourage a young boy of about 7 or 8 as I passed him on a hill. He smiled at me and I later saw that he won his age division. How cool is that?
A patient was telling me how she paused in the midst of her busy day, when she didn't really "have the time" to comfort a distraught colleague. The "moment" ended up being a hour but "miraculously", all of her work got completed in time, with time to spare. How amazing is that?
A friend was telling me how differently she felt about a situation as she consciously practiced forgiveness. The bonds to another person that she felt entangled to disappeared and she stopped thinking about and obsessing about and feeling connected to the situation. How miraculous is that?
How does the Light of the World think? Let's THINK about that every day.
How does the Light of the World feel? Let's ALIGN ourselves with that each day.
How does the Light of the World act? Let's STRIVE for that and ACT it out daily, in each moment.
In each moment of each day we have a choice.
We can recognize the light within us. We can BE the LIGHT OF THE WORLD.
We can change ourselves and simple moments and circumstances.
Or we can believe that we are separate from the light and stumble around in darkness, looking for someone or some thing to "enlighten" us.

...I may never be a millionaire, funny I don't think I care
may never see the mountain view, guess I don't need to
May never drive a fancy car or be a movie star
but I'll BE, I'll BE....THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD.

Amen

WWJD - part 2

So, since my previous posting, I've been focused a lot more on wondering "What would Jesus THINK?", as I go through my days and experiences, recognizing that what Jesus would DO proceeds directly from what he would THINK.
It's been a case of "Be careful what you ask for because you just may get it". I have been uncharacteristically critical, judgmental, and impatient with people and it disturbs me. I have encountered some very annoying and thoughtless people and I keep asking myself "what the heck is going on?" and then I realized......I have a lot more work to do with my thoughts, with acceptance, and with thinking with the mind of Christ. I have focused intently on thinking more like Jesus and the universe has been giving me ample opportunities to practice this. Recently, a friend stated that if you want to learn compassion and forgiveness, do one of two things: drive your car, or go to Walmart. We chuckled but then I realized that this world is my classroom and the only way to learn how to be more like Christ is by living in the everyday world, encountering every day people, and everyday annoyances and frustrations. It's easy to think like Jesus when all is quiet and happy and serene in my world, but anybody can do that.
My conscious intention, to think more like Jesus, has created numerous opportunities for me to learn to love people better, as I draw to myself the work, the challenges, of dealing with unreasonable and rude people. It's like God has said "ok...here we go....how are you going to run with this...."
When I figured that out, that what you ask for, you receive, then the exercise became easier for me. It's like God has placed in my path the people and situations that will best optimize my learning. hmmmm....
Here's what I have learned about thinking like Jesus.
It's all about compassion....
simple,real simple.
Not so easy to do.
I can think like ME or I can think like Jesus.
Jesus always looks through the lens of compassion.
I can think like ME or I can think like Jesus....
Jesus sees way beyond our physical presence, our body we present to the world. He looks way beyond our behaviors. He sees the hurts and pain. He sees far beyond all of this. Because when he looks through the lens of compassion, he sees our essence, our pure selves.
I can think like ME about rude people, or I can think like Jesus,
I can think like ME about cruelty, or I can think like Jesus.
I can think like ME about all the negativity I see, or I can think like Jesus.
It really is that simple.......but not so easy.
It is a CHOICE.
Do I want to keep seeing through my own lens and criticize, blame and judge, or do I want to see through the lens of compassion? If I want to do what Jesus would do, I have to think like Jesus would think and I have to see EVERYTHING through a lens of compassion.

I can see with MY eyes or I can see with GOD'S eyes.
Which view do you think feels better and better serves the world?

WWJD - or "What Would Jesus Do?"

Several years ago I started seeing these bumper stickers all over - WWJD aka: What Would Jesus Do?
I believe the phrase originates in the Christian community and is an attempt to encourage people to live in a more Christ-like way. It's an interesting concept to apply to the world in 2011 and beyond. If Jesus was alive today and living in our world, what would he do? It was interesting and amusing and somewhat perplexing for me, however, to notice how the people who had these bumper stickers on their vehicles would drive......Sometimes they were the most discourteous and rude drivers!!!! Which leads me to surmise that they likely think about the question in a macro way. I recall a conversation I participated in over a year ago; people were admonishing themselves for not doing "enough" to serve God. They were thinking macro - mission trips, working in the soup kitchen, fostering children, running youth groups, etc and saying they just didn't have the time to serve God better. I encouraged them to think MICRO - what are the simple acts of love and kindness we can do every single day? I like to think about it on a more basic level - What would Jesus THINK? Because, of course, what he thought and what ran through his mind would determine what he would do, correct? So, if you want to think REALLY MICRO - look at your thoughts and do they likely match what Christ would think???
So, here's an amusing scenerio for us to think about. What if Jesus was living in 2011. Imagine he gets up in the morning to go to work (I wonder what kind of job he would work at - pastor? social worker? community activist?). Anyway, he walks out to his car and steps in the "business" the neighbor's dog kindly left for him. WHAT WOULD HE THINK ABOUT THAT? So, he cleans off his shoes which might put him a little behind on his commute. I wonder what sort of vehicle he would drive - probably some sort of hybrid? So, even though he is running late, he drives the speed limit, because he obeys the law and this infuriates EVERYONE behind him who have wonderful expletives and other unkind things to think and say. WHAT WOULD HE THINK ABOUT THAT?????? And when he gets to work, what would he think about the gossiping, the competitive environment, the overinflated egos??? Let's say he stops after work to pick up a few groceries, like everybody else seems to be doing after work, and he is standing in the EXPRESS line with his 4 items and someone way in front of him has 32 items - WHAT WOULD HE THINK ABOUT THAT???? He is rushing out the door to get home and sees someone approaching the entrance. He realizes he has to stand there for about 5 seconds to avoid the door slamming as she walks up to it. WHAT WOULD HE THINK ABOUT THAT CHOICE???? I think you get my drift.....
If we want to be more Christ-like it HAS TO start with our thoughts. We have to go so MICRO, we ask ourselves, "What would Jesus THINK?". At a quantum level, everything starts with our thoughts and heart based emotions. It starts with compassion and compassionate thoughts.
I like to think that Jesus would bless all the people on the road, at work, in the supermarket, in his neighborhood because he would have compassion for everyone in his heart. I like to think that he would not be so reactive to the inappropriate behaviors and model for all of us a better way. I like to think he would forgive others their trespasses and not hold grudges. I like to think when he encountered impatience and hostility, we would send love and prayers that people's days and lives would go better....That's how I THINK HE WOULD THINK. What about you?

The Best of 2010

I started blogging in 2010. My intent was twofold: I wanted to become more mindful, more consciously aware of every moment and the power in every moment. Secondly, I wanted to notice and experience the magic and miracles in every day life. Blogging has been a conduit for doing so!
As I reflect back on my year, 2010, I recognize that changing my thoughts and hanging out in gratitude has been the actual conduit to experiencing my life differently. It has been quite proactive, much less reactive.
The power is definitely in the MOMENT, in the NOW. As I recognize the power in NOW, I am empowered.
I have been reflecting back on the year and this concept of empowerment and have a short list of people I know, have known, or interacted with this year, that seem to exemplify empowerment.
-My nursing home patients, who deal with illness, limitations, loss on a daily, hourly basis. Some have recently become residents, leaving behind family, pets, daily activities, comforts of home,to deal with living in an institution. No wonder they struggle with anxiety and depression. Others have been living in the nursing home for many years, so many years that some of them have lost track of the years. Some of them no longer have family or friends around to visit them. Some of them have limited memories of their past, their identities, how they lived their lives, who are "are", so to speak. It is interesting and amazing to me to see those that cope with the situation best - those with a strong sense of faith or spirituality, those who are able to have gratitude for NOW. The most valuable lesson I have learned from them is the power of NOW and the empowerment of GRATITUDE.
Some of them have passed on this year and my work with them is done. However, our work together is not, as I continue to learn from them. Even in their finals days, most of them had work to do - things to talk about, people to forgive, things to let go of. They have taught me so much about the fragility of the physical, and the strength of the spirit.

-My friend, Tim, who passed away this year. From talking with his family recently, I have learned that he had been sick for at least a year. He never told me. For whatever reason, he never said "I am dying of cancer". That's ok, I respect that. What Tim taught me over the years about friendship is invaluable. Our paths diverged in life and while we both continued on in our careers, I also had two children, and much of my energy went to them. Sometimes, when he would come home to visit his family for holidays, we couldn't get together. But he ALWAYS tried - he always called and we at least talked. Sometimes I would think to myself, "Why does he keep in touch?", when I was super busy and couldn't get together. But, he had no children, he understood my energy was all over the place and that was ok. he ALWAYS kept trying. He ALWAYS valued our friendship. The last time we met, we shared dinner and it was wonderful. We had time, we could relax and "catch up" with each other. The most valuable thing I learned from Tim is that friendships MATTER. People will not always be around, nurture what you have. Thanks, Tim.

-all of my patients, who are symbols of courage to me. I truly believe that in a therapeutic relationship, everyone is changed. I am changed each session because I learn more about the resiliency of the human spirit. I do hear the most god-awful stories in my work. And I do hear them over and over, only the characters change but the darkness of humanity doesn't. When I hear another story, I sometimes think to myself "There is nothing new under the sun. I have heard this before" But, other times I think, "Wow, I can't believe it - that something so horrible can happen". But, all of my patients have come for healing and that is the goal I focus on. And they do heal and move on. They work very actively on change. They make major changes in thoughts and behaviors. They spill their guts out all over the place, and are released and renewed. They leave therapy empowered. In my dark moments, I sometimes remember one of the stories that they have shared with me and the healing they have experienced and I am changed. I am so encouraged, so much more hopeful, so proud of them and the work they did on their journey and I learn from them.

What I have learned about magic and miracles in my daily life is this
-Gratitude changes EVERYTHING. It's extremely powerful. It's a game changer.
-I make active choices every second of every day in terms of what I choose to think. I have the power in every moment to change my thoughts.
-Love is really all that matters. Every day I try to ask myself, "Do I want the problem or do I want the answer?". The answer is always love.
-Now is all there is. The past is gone, we don't know if we have the next breath, the next moment. Now is all we have to work with anyway.
I choose to try to fill each NOW, each moment with gratitude and love. Therein is the miracle. To the degree to which I change my thoughts, my world changes exponentially.

Here's to 2011!!!!!!

phantom limb pain

Often I write about recurring themes, in my work and in my life (or both). The writing helps me to connect the dots, so to speak and to make better sense of the recurring themes. Over the past two weeks, I have had two patients come in complaining about phantom limb pain. The one person had a hip replacement a couple years previous, and was still having occasional pain. The second person came in a couple days later, dealing with chronic pain issues. He was a veteran and had suffered some broken and shattered bones. He stated his doctor told him he had healed well and the residual pain was "phantom limb" pain, even though he had not had an amputation. He talked about the discussion he had with his physician about chronic pain, brain neurology, and "pain pathways". His doctor told him the pain would continue to subside in time, as the pain pathways extinguished themselves.
A day or so later, I had another patient come in and talk about how she needed to "let go" of past hurts and her realization that holding on to and replaying the old hurts in her mind was detrimental to her. It kept her steeped in the pain.
Pain is pain. Each of these individuals was sharing experiences related to pain and to pain pathways. In a previous post (Use it or Lose it), I wrote about brain pathways, how the brain is "wired" and how our thoughts create neural pathways in the brain. The more we "use" a thought, the more established that pathway becomes in the brain. The less we "use" a thought, the less active that particular pathway becomes in the brain.
Emotional pain can become like "phantom limb' pain. The injury and hurt occurred long ago, but we keep "replaying" the incidents over and over in our brain, reinforcing the pain pathway. Of course, I am not talking about severe trauma or abuse which results in Acute Stress Disorder or PTSD. These disorders involve hyperarousal of the central nervous system and require specific interventions to assist the person who has been traumatized. I am talking about the "normal" kinds of hurt and pain we experience in life. People deliberately hurt us for various reasons, loved ones disappoint us, bad things happen in life and we feel emotional pain.
The theraputic process allows people to let go of pain. In therapy, people are able to recognize the pain, allow themselves to fully feel it, forgive, and let go, (cut off or "amputate" the pain). Often, that process involves some rituals. People may write letters or keep a diary of "hurts", then when they are ready, they move to forgiveness and symbolically "let go" of the pain, burying the writings, or burning or shredding them. Years ago, I had a patient who wrote a series of letters to deceased relatives and when each letter was complete, he went to the grave site, read the letter, tied it to helium balloons, and watched as they floated away. He experienced such a sense of relief watching the "hurts" float up, up, and far away.
In my own life, I have nursed hurts and pains. I have "run through" hurtful situations over and over in my mind. It is interesting that it seems as if the more I entertain the thought or memory, the more the thought hangs around. Who wouldn't, if you are throwing a party and entertaining them (the thoughts)? When I decided to close that door, to acknowledge the hurt or injustice then let go, and escort it out the door, the pain subsides. I have come to see the wisdom in forgiving and letting go. No more "phantom hurt" pain. No more spectors of the past hanging around and popping up to annoy or torture me. The pain pathways have lost their strength and power. The memories remain but they don't hold the emotional impact. I have moved on.
We all have the power, and the choice, to let go and move on. Whether it be a hurtful event, a bad day at work, a betrayal, a loss, we can choose to acknowledge, then move on. We can choose not to "go down that road" again. We can choose a healing and more benevolent pathway to go down. Our pain will extinguish itself, in time. We can continue to experience the pain (much like phantom limb pain) or we can heal. We can establish new, healthier pathways in our brains.

"Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again?"....Rosa Parks

Let's not keep reactivating old pain. Let's allow our brains to generate new and healthy.

Fragments of My Day

Sometimes, when I can't sleep despite being so tired, I think about my day. Like today.......
I run through events, try to complete unfinished thoughts, and empty my mind.
-Breakfast with my daughters. So rare they are both home and both available. Their schedules, my schedule....So nice to have the time. In a few weeks, they will both be gone, off to school again.
-my appointments today, my clinical work....A bipolar woman who is appreciating mood stability for the first time ever, and establishing "normal" for herself...a woman struggling with feelings of betrayal and questioning if she can ever trust her spouse again after discovering he is a sex addict....a daughter, grieving the death of her mother and slowly healing as she reconnects with family and friends she had long abandoned....a single father raising a son and daughter under the shadow of an abusive mother he loathes but must still live with.....a couple who never really got to know each other because children came along quickly and interrupted intimacy...
-I had some really good fried rice for dinner...take-out from a restaurant near my office. there's some left and it's in my fridge...hmmmmm...thinking of finishing it off.
-great conversation with a friend on the drive home from work.....we talked about how God appears to us at the oddest of times and how it's so freaky but NICE when that happens..
-walking my dog on the trail at dusk. We owned the trail because no one else was out. It was quiet and a slight fog was setting in. It smelled so nice...pine needles, some sort of wild flowers.
-chatting briefly with some friends on line before going to bed.
-snuggling with my husband(and the cat)in bed.......falling asleep..........only to wake up 20 minutes later....
=oh yeah, and I'm remembering that I forgot to water the plants outside when I got home and it was pretty hot today...it's ok, they'll be fine, It was only in the 80's today, not the 90's...

It was a good day. It had the main and most important ingredients: time with family, meaningful work, great food, friends, my home and my pets.

Life is good........

goodbye

Today, one of my nursing home patients said "goodbye" to me. She is 92 years old and tells me she is dying. She stopped being able to eat. She says her system has "stopped functioning" and she knows she is dying. She shared all kinds of feelings of sadness and loss. Then after "unloading" all of this, she said she felt better. She has a strong faith and this is a comfort. She thanked me for listening and caring. As we parted, she quietly, once again, said "goodbye - I know I won't see you again"......
It's so odd, I have worked as a therapist for 30 years, and no one has ever said "goodbye" in that way before. There are lots of goodbyes, many times for very good reasons - people heal, are doing much better, and move on, not needing the support any longer. People move geographically. Sometimes people leave without saying goodbye - they quit coming in for appointments, or they are doing fairly well but terminate prematurely, without saying a proper goodbye. Or they die - suicide, overdose, or they are sick and die. But in these situations, no one has ever said "goodbye" to me before they left. If it's a true desire to suicide, they don't tell me, they don't tell anyone, they just do it. The overdoses are always accidental - people do the same thing over and over and don't die but who knows why on that particular day they die.......and when people are sick and dying, they don't usually know that it will be the last time we meet, or if they know, they don't tell me.
So, today, my lovely 92 year old friend said "goodbye". What a special moment it was for me. You know, there's this part of me that wanted to scream "NO!!! don't be silly, you're not dying!!!!".....but she is 92 years old and she's no longer eating and she had a very powerful and moving dream about dying and is at peace.....So I didn't scream the thoughts that a part of me had.....I held her hand and listened and sent her love. And, in that final parting, when she once again affirmed that this really was goodbye and she would not see me again.....it was as if time stood still, for just a brief few moments......It felt so odd yet moving and purposeful.......Every day I learn from others. Today is a new lesson, a lesson about being in a sad and odd and moving moment and not trying to "fix" anything.....just being there with someone.....and feeling and accepting.

Self Forgiveness

Seems to me that self forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to do. I admit I have difficulty with this, as do many, many people. It is not an uncommon problem. Why is it that we have such incredibly high and unrealistic standards for ourselves? We can forgive someone else twenty times over before we forgive ourselves. We have so much more compassion for others than for ourselves.
Today, I learned that one of my favorite patients at the nursing home passed away. I had the honor of meeting him last summer when the referral showed up on my clinic list one day. He was youngish for the nursing home (mid to late 40's). He was there because of kidney failure, secondary to diabetes. The first time we met, he told me he struggled with self forgiveness. He had regrets in life. Specifically, what he shared with me was that he had not watched his diabetes and had poor self care until his condition became so bad he was confined to the nursing home. Now, he was so angry with himself for not taking better care of himself. And, now it was too late to do anything to reverse the damage that had been done. We talked about his relationship with God. He said he believed God had forgiven him. So, then we talked about his relationship with HIMSELF. He was really tough on himself, with all his "SHOULDAS". So I listened while he talked. I don't even recall exactly what I said to him, but the message was self forgiveness and that if God forgives us, who do we think we are to not follow this example?
After that first meeting, he was more at peace. At subsequent meetings, he told me he had FINALLY forgiven himself. His anxiety diminished some. Each visit, I listened while he talked. He had a nice Christmas with family. Little did I know when I last met with him that it would be our last meeting. I asked again, how was he doing with the self forgiveness and he reassured ME that he was still in a good place with that issue and had long forgiven himself.
Today, when I walked into the clinic to pick up my schedule, I saw his name with "CTB" beside it. The first time I ever saw that notation, I asked a nurse "What does this mean? Does it mean Confined To Bed? Because if it does, I can go to the patients room to see them". And the nurse gently told me, "No, that means "CEASED TO BREATHE"........
CEASED TO BREATHE.....or rather, died........So, I saw his name and CTB and I walked back to my office and took a deep breath and shed a tear, before I had to take my first patient and dive into my schedule.....It was a very busy schedule today, which was probably good because I didn't have a lot of time to think.
As I left later in the morning, I walked to my car, in the beautiful sunshiney, warm day and again, I thought about him. I felt happy for him that he had found peace. I thought about his courage in what he was dealing with. I felt some wonder at his ability to forgive himself. I realized I had learned some more about self forgiveness from him. As the old adage goes, sometimes the student is a teacher and the teacher his student..........Thanks 'R" for being my teacher and for being a role model for me. God Bless and rest in peace.

Resurrection

It's Easter week. I have to admit, I never really liked Easter much. As a kid, I LOVED the chocolate. My mom used to buy only the good, expensive stuff, no cheap chocolate for us. But, that's about all I ever liked about it. I HATED getting dressed up and going to church. I remember one particular Easter when I was in high school that it snowed. I mean, it really snowed, probably at least six inches and we COULDN'T GO TO CHURCH. I believed it was my best Easter ever.

Today, I'm still not a great fan of Easter and I just have been realizing why. For me, it's never been something I could use in a PRACTICAL way. Like, it's a GREAT story and there's so much that's GREAT in it that I can and want to incorporate into my daily life - love, forgiveness, grace, sacrifice, redemption......what's not to like about any of that?

Resurrection...now, there's something that seems much more PRACTICAL to me. So, in light of what I have been blogging about (internal change and self-correction), I am focusing on internal change this week - internal resurrection. I want to keep working on changing my thoughts, away from separation and back to oneness.

When I see the Easter images, I will think "I too can change, become more loving and accepting, and let go of (or die to) my old ways of thinking". Sometimes I "don't know what to think", or I want to change the way I think. So, I ask God to help me to think differently. It, at times, is my mantra - "God help me to change my thinking...God help me to change my thinking...." As a therapist, I know the power of changing one's thoughts - cognitive behavioral therapy is effective and I use it a lot in my clinical work. So, personally, when I suspend my own thinking for even a few moments and ask God to "change my thinking", this opens a door and fresh thought enters. Not always immediately, but if my mantra remains "God help me to change my thinking...", then it always happens, a new, more sane, loving thought emerges. It's one of the daily miracles I experience, when I choose to focus on RESURRECTION vs MY thinking.

So, when my thoughts change, then my life changes. I don't act the same ways, I am calmer and more at peace. Caroline Myss, in her book "Defy Gravity" states, "There is no such thing as absorbing the power of a truth and having your life remain the same". Thank you Caroline for these thoughts. Thank you Jesus for the promise of resurrection.

I don't have to sit around and wait for the resurrection to "happen" for me some day (when I die and go to "heaven"). I can live the resurrection every day by taking responsibility for the quality of my thoughts and changing them. BIG PROJECT - wish me luck, and say a prayer.....

FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS...........

Living in an unsafe world......how do we practice forgiveness in an unsafe world??
Forgiveness seems so theoretical and how do you apply it IN REAL LIFE?

I've been pondering this alot lately...because....over the summer, a deranged madman tried to kill my daughter. He actually killed three women and lucky for me and my daughter, and all the other people who escaped "unharmed" (physically). But not so lucky for the others. How do their families put together the pieces and forgive, if they do at all?
You know, you see these heartwarming stories on The Today Show, about radical forgiveness.....people who have lost family and friends to murderers and they forgive.....So, theoretically, I think....yeah, that is good, it is healing, it makes sense. Until it almost happened to me...and my family....

FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS.......

I start to forgive.....the therapist in me kicks in and I understand why people become so desperate. Then something reminds me....of HIM, that awful night....I go back there and I feel numb.....

FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS......

I become impatient and less tolerant of others. This is not like me. I entertain negative thoughts about others instead of self-correcting.

FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS.....

I start to calm down, think it through rationally, return to "life as usual". Now the nightmares have returned. Two nights ago I had to get up out of bed. You know when you have the dreams that you can't shake? You have to get out of bed and clear the foggy feeling? I had some hot chocolate and went back to bed. Still the dream images haunt me......In a building, this time it was a warehouse, danger is coming, coming, coming and I am locking the doors over and over and over. There are people with guns and I HAVE TO LOCK THE DOORS TO PROTECT MY FAMILY. This time I was using huge, thick beams to barricade the warehouse doors......

FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS.

When I am overly emotional, and can't sleep, and am distracted in my work because of HIM, the DERANGED GUNMAN, I feel less numb and more angry (for brief moments), and I want to scream at him..."HOW SELFISH COULD YOU BE?????"

FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS.

Forgiveness, of course, is an inside job. It starts with me. It is a conscious choice and an active decision. I am going with it, I am IN THE PROCESS of forgiving. It's better some days than others....It works in layers....some progress, the more reactivation of the HORROR OF IT ALL, then there's another opportunity for forgive, ONCE AGAIN.......

FORGIVENESS.......IS.......SUCH.......A.......PROCESS.....

The world is a picture into my self

I've been focusing alot lately on projections. Here's what I do (and hate that I do)...I have these automatic thoughts about someone I see or know or interact with, like "You're a jerk", or "she is fat", or "what an idiot!". Sometimes I entertain those thoughts. Sometimes I catch myself and say "wow...I hate that I have that thought", then I change it to something compassionate. But, what works best is to look at the projections, or rather to LOOK INSIDE MYSELF. It's not fun or easy. So I ask myself, "what is it about myself that I don't like that I am seeing in that person?" wow...there's almost always an internal knowing. That's what I can work with then. I try to see my annoyances and "judgements" of others as "gifts", opportunities to self-correct, to grow as a person, to heal.
Yesterday I had the realization that I am having many more annoyances and impatience with people, and many more judgements than I usually do. So I realized it was time to beef up my looking inside. I see the picture on the "screen" (event or observance or interaction in the world), and I remind myself that the picture on the screen is a projection into myself. So I watch the movie in a different light - it is a STORY OF MY INTERNAL LIFE.
Example: Yesterday I went to see my holistic practitioner. he is a very kind, caring person but he sometimes has this edge of irritability to him. As I was driving home, I thought about this some more. I thought about our conversation and his judgements of others and realized he was reflecting to me my own recent increased concern about my own judgements. wow...what I focus on and struggle with is played out right in front of my eyes!...it is like watching a MOVIE OF MYSELF. I recalled that times that I am not struggling with judgements, he can be his usual self and it doesn't particularly bother me "that's just how he is, that's just an aspect of his personality, that's not the total person" is how I think of it at those times.
I keep realizing that I have a choice in every moment - To externalize and judge, or to self correct and heal. Neat.

I can change my mind

I'm an expert at changing my thoughts - I'm a therapist and I am a survivor. As a therapist, I teach people how to change their thoughts and that by changing their thoughts, their experiences of life change. I am also a survivor, having grown up in a dysfunctional family. My mother was bipolar and unmedicated. My father coped with her insanity by withdrawing into workaholism. So, many many of my internal childhood experiences were of loneliness and I became an expert at a very young age at changing my thoughts. It became second nature.
When I was a kid, I changed my thoughts by saying "I don't love you, I don't need you, I don't need ANYBODY". As an adult, I learned to change my thoughts by saying "I love you, I need you, I love people". It was reprogramming. It took time.
Advance to today.....I see every day as a miracle because I see the miracles in each day. It's fun, it's like doing magic or rather, seeing magic occur right in front of my eyes.
So....I'm thinking if I write about the everyday, mundane and not so mundane experiences, I have a running log of my experiences finding the magic, the miracles in every day. Some days it may be my musings and wonderings, other days it may be my rantings and ravings, other days simple experiences. My challenge to myself is to find the magic in all of this. And, in part, the magic transpires when I change my thoughts......Here we go......