goodbye

Today, one of my nursing home patients said "goodbye" to me. She is 92 years old and tells me she is dying. She stopped being able to eat. She says her system has "stopped functioning" and she knows she is dying. She shared all kinds of feelings of sadness and loss. Then after "unloading" all of this, she said she felt better. She has a strong faith and this is a comfort. She thanked me for listening and caring. As we parted, she quietly, once again, said "goodbye - I know I won't see you again"......
It's so odd, I have worked as a therapist for 30 years, and no one has ever said "goodbye" in that way before. There are lots of goodbyes, many times for very good reasons - people heal, are doing much better, and move on, not needing the support any longer. People move geographically. Sometimes people leave without saying goodbye - they quit coming in for appointments, or they are doing fairly well but terminate prematurely, without saying a proper goodbye. Or they die - suicide, overdose, or they are sick and die. But in these situations, no one has ever said "goodbye" to me before they left. If it's a true desire to suicide, they don't tell me, they don't tell anyone, they just do it. The overdoses are always accidental - people do the same thing over and over and don't die but who knows why on that particular day they die.......and when people are sick and dying, they don't usually know that it will be the last time we meet, or if they know, they don't tell me.
So, today, my lovely 92 year old friend said "goodbye". What a special moment it was for me. You know, there's this part of me that wanted to scream "NO!!! don't be silly, you're not dying!!!!".....but she is 92 years old and she's no longer eating and she had a very powerful and moving dream about dying and is at peace.....So I didn't scream the thoughts that a part of me had.....I held her hand and listened and sent her love. And, in that final parting, when she once again affirmed that this really was goodbye and she would not see me again.....it was as if time stood still, for just a brief few moments......It felt so odd yet moving and purposeful.......Every day I learn from others. Today is a new lesson, a lesson about being in a sad and odd and moving moment and not trying to "fix" anything.....just being there with someone.....and feeling and accepting.