The Best of 2010

I started blogging in 2010. My intent was twofold: I wanted to become more mindful, more consciously aware of every moment and the power in every moment. Secondly, I wanted to notice and experience the magic and miracles in every day life. Blogging has been a conduit for doing so!
As I reflect back on my year, 2010, I recognize that changing my thoughts and hanging out in gratitude has been the actual conduit to experiencing my life differently. It has been quite proactive, much less reactive.
The power is definitely in the MOMENT, in the NOW. As I recognize the power in NOW, I am empowered.
I have been reflecting back on the year and this concept of empowerment and have a short list of people I know, have known, or interacted with this year, that seem to exemplify empowerment.
-My nursing home patients, who deal with illness, limitations, loss on a daily, hourly basis. Some have recently become residents, leaving behind family, pets, daily activities, comforts of home,to deal with living in an institution. No wonder they struggle with anxiety and depression. Others have been living in the nursing home for many years, so many years that some of them have lost track of the years. Some of them no longer have family or friends around to visit them. Some of them have limited memories of their past, their identities, how they lived their lives, who are "are", so to speak. It is interesting and amazing to me to see those that cope with the situation best - those with a strong sense of faith or spirituality, those who are able to have gratitude for NOW. The most valuable lesson I have learned from them is the power of NOW and the empowerment of GRATITUDE.
Some of them have passed on this year and my work with them is done. However, our work together is not, as I continue to learn from them. Even in their finals days, most of them had work to do - things to talk about, people to forgive, things to let go of. They have taught me so much about the fragility of the physical, and the strength of the spirit.

-My friend, Tim, who passed away this year. From talking with his family recently, I have learned that he had been sick for at least a year. He never told me. For whatever reason, he never said "I am dying of cancer". That's ok, I respect that. What Tim taught me over the years about friendship is invaluable. Our paths diverged in life and while we both continued on in our careers, I also had two children, and much of my energy went to them. Sometimes, when he would come home to visit his family for holidays, we couldn't get together. But he ALWAYS tried - he always called and we at least talked. Sometimes I would think to myself, "Why does he keep in touch?", when I was super busy and couldn't get together. But, he had no children, he understood my energy was all over the place and that was ok. he ALWAYS kept trying. He ALWAYS valued our friendship. The last time we met, we shared dinner and it was wonderful. We had time, we could relax and "catch up" with each other. The most valuable thing I learned from Tim is that friendships MATTER. People will not always be around, nurture what you have. Thanks, Tim.

-all of my patients, who are symbols of courage to me. I truly believe that in a therapeutic relationship, everyone is changed. I am changed each session because I learn more about the resiliency of the human spirit. I do hear the most god-awful stories in my work. And I do hear them over and over, only the characters change but the darkness of humanity doesn't. When I hear another story, I sometimes think to myself "There is nothing new under the sun. I have heard this before" But, other times I think, "Wow, I can't believe it - that something so horrible can happen". But, all of my patients have come for healing and that is the goal I focus on. And they do heal and move on. They work very actively on change. They make major changes in thoughts and behaviors. They spill their guts out all over the place, and are released and renewed. They leave therapy empowered. In my dark moments, I sometimes remember one of the stories that they have shared with me and the healing they have experienced and I am changed. I am so encouraged, so much more hopeful, so proud of them and the work they did on their journey and I learn from them.

What I have learned about magic and miracles in my daily life is this
-Gratitude changes EVERYTHING. It's extremely powerful. It's a game changer.
-I make active choices every second of every day in terms of what I choose to think. I have the power in every moment to change my thoughts.
-Love is really all that matters. Every day I try to ask myself, "Do I want the problem or do I want the answer?". The answer is always love.
-Now is all there is. The past is gone, we don't know if we have the next breath, the next moment. Now is all we have to work with anyway.
I choose to try to fill each NOW, each moment with gratitude and love. Therein is the miracle. To the degree to which I change my thoughts, my world changes exponentially.

Here's to 2011!!!!!!

Self Forgiveness - Part II

Yesterday I saw the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and have been pondering the messages the movie brings. One of the central themes, it seems to me, is self forgiveness. In the movie, Liz is desperately trying to come to terms with the end of her marriage and embarks on this journey in attempt to reclaim parts of herself. At the ashram, she meets "Richard from Texas", who is also needing to forgive himself big time. Obviously, they learn about this process from each other.
In my clinical work, I treat people who want to heal. The themes of forgiveness and especially self forgiveness permeate the work. Central elements of self forgiveness are recognizing the impact of our actions on others, and making amends, of sorts, in any way we can. This is how we "let go"; otherwise we stay stuck in guilt.
In my experience, religion has been a strong influence in evoking guilt and self blame in very unhealthy ways. This has seemed to be a dilemma for many people. Even the concept of "grace" does little to dispel the guilt for many people. They say they are "forgiven" yet reiterate that they are "sinners" and continue to berate themselves for "falling short". Sometimes I wonder if God looks at this with tears in his eyes and says, "You just aren't getting it, are you?". We say we want to be like God, yet we hold on to self reproach and can't forgive ourselves, as God has. And if God expects us to follow his example, then he expects us to forgive ourselves.
Maybe we forget the part about making amends......and if we are angry with ourselves, how in the world do we make amends to ourselves???? Religion typically teaches us to be contrite, confess, FEEL BAD. But religion is not very good at teaching us how to compassionately treat ourselves when we screw up. And we do screw up, sometimes a lot.....
Being compassionate with oneself and forgiving oneself is major. It's a LIFE SKILL. You hear all these cliches "practice random acts of kindness", "practice forgiveness". You NEVER hear "practice self kindness' or "practice self forgiveness". It all starts with us, folks. Not in a narcissistic way but in a healing, healthy, spiritual way.

Today I had a final session with a patient, who is transferring care because of an insurance change. We talked about self forgiveness and the nuts and bolts of how she can compassionately treat herself. While she is not yet at the goal of self forgiveness, she can PRACTICE it. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. Don't wait to reach the goal of self forgiveness, start practicing today. Do kind things for yourself.

One of the ways I am compassionate with myself is by being silly or goofy. REALLY. Because it lightens things, helps me to laugh at myself and let go. I stop being so darn serious about life in those moments.

So today, I think we should all practice self forgiveness and self compassion. We should all do kind things for ourselves. We should be silly and goofy. Share your experiences if you wish. I'm still learning this stuff, myself....