Holy Encounters happen every day. They are not something mysterious, but are actually fairly common. The trick is to recognize them. With recognition, they are learning opportunities.
Holy encounters happen when we encounter another person - plain and simple. There is so much opportunity for healing and growth when and if we see the encounter as a mirror:
...As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. (A Course in Miracles)
Some holy encounters are fun. They are my favorite kind - meeting a stranger and enjoying a laugh together, random pleasant conversations, direct, caring eye contact with another person. These encounters feel very good. We feel like we "connect" with someone and know and understand them. We are seeing in them the good and positive characteristics we also attribute to ourselves. We say we are "like minded".
Some holy encounters are mundane. We say hello to the kid at the gas station who rings us up, we chat with a coworker, order our lunch and leave a tip for our food server, call a business contact on the phone, have dinner conversation with family, all of the myriad of encounters we have each day. These have great potential to be healing, holy encounters if we go beyond the mundane aspects of the encounters and look at the other person as one with us. They are our mirrors. They challenge us to look at how we interact with others, even on that mundane, daily basis and notice what we see in that person and what that says about us. They are our mirror. How we treat them says much about how we think about ourselves.
Some holy encounters are difficult. These are the opportunities for the greatest healing and growth. Typically, when we are being criticized, treated unfairly, or misjudged we want to react with defensiveness and criticism of the other. But, if these encounters are also holy, and there is healing in it for us, we need to look at "where do I see myself in this?". I have a friend, Maureen, who always asks herself in these difficult encounters "How am I like that?". Doesn't this open a whole new can of worms??? It's not really about the other person, it's about me and my ability to see opportunities to grow and change in this situation.
Recently I had a particularly challenging situation which was frustrating in one respect, yet interesting and amazing in another respect. The owner of the building where I rent office space went on a tirade against me because I was putting my garbage in the "wrong place", unbeknownst to me, for the past year. So, he was harboring resentments instead of just talking to me and clarifying the situation. The tirade became really ugly when he drove to my neighborhood and strew a bag of garbage on my neighbor's front porch, thinking it was my porch (goes to show that a GPS is not always accurate).
Once I went through my human, ego reaction of being bewildered, distressed and outright indignant, I allowed myself to see this as a holy encounter......hmmm......I had that instant of recognition, that this event was an opportunity to look at myself. As a therapist, I look at the symbolism - do I have psychic "garbage" that I am displacing? Do I avoid and harbor resentments? Do I misjudge and misperceive? I guess I can yes to all of that, although not to any great extent. I'm pretty self aware and I try to learn from each experience and move on.
At a deeper level, I challenged myself to begin to look at, not how my brother misjudged me, but how do I misjudge my brother? Misjudgement stems from misperception. So again,everything goes back to our thoughts. What are we thinking about other people? What are we thinking about ourselves?
This "holy encounter" points me back to the direction of taking responsibility for myself, for my thoughts, to be more vigilent about what I am thinking about my brother, to stop the negative thoughts and judgements and to think with compassion and remember "we are one". This holy encounter reminds me that in this situation, I can either find myself (see the projection) or lose myself (miss the opportunity to see the projection and grow and change for the better)
Sometimes, on a daily, mundane basis, we need to deal with life and life's circumstances. We can always do this with compassion, if we choose. We clarify, apologize, problem solve. On a deeper level, we can also deal with life and life's circumstances in a spiritual way - see the other as our brother and a mirror of ourselves. If we stop projecting and seeing all the bad stuff as "out there, in the world" and shift our focus to changing the "bad" and negative thoughts we have, we will all change. All we can change is ourselves, we can't change others.
When you meet anyone, remember, it is a holy encounter.
God bless.
Showing posts with label A Course in Miracles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Course in Miracles. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, February 21, 2011
Let it Be
This posting is not about the Beatles, although "Let it Be' is one of my favorite Beatles songs and there is so much wisdom in that song. (maybe that's for another posting).
"Letting it Be" is something I am currently thinking a lot about and trying to actively weave into my daily experiences. "Letting it be", to me, means two things: acknowledging/feeling AND letting go. "Letting it be" means sitting in the stillness of me and the emotion and moment and letting whatever happens, happen. It also means breathing into that "whatever happens" and holding it. Then, I honor the "whatever happens" and smile and breathe again and just...let..go......
Of course, I try to teach this skill to others and I am focused on it more intently recently, because I am learning more about it and seeing the process in a little different light. I'm reading the book "Allowing" by Holly Riley, in which she shares her wonderful story of a near death experience and her subsequent healing process. It's a wonderful book and I recommend it to anyone needing any kind of healing (which isn't that like 99% of us?)
So often, we try not to feel and we do this in all different kinds of ways. Sometimes we outright "stuff" our feelings because we believe they are too painful and we just can't (don't want) to feel them. Other times we more cleverly stuff them by saying we need to change our thoughts about our experiences. This enables us to fast forward through the "feeling" piece and move almost immediately to thinking differently. Ooops. we missed that critical piece in there, the "acknowledging the feeling" piece and honoring it for a moment.....
"Acknowledging the feeling" doesn't mean not feeling. It also doesn't mean staying steeped in the pain. Acknowledging our emotions isn't usually an all-or-nothing venture. Maybe another way to think about it is to see the acknowledgement as an embrace or "hug". We can embrace the moment, hug it and really hold it, then....let go.....
Here's what I have noticed in my clinical work and in my day-to-day going about in the world over the past several days:
-a woman, who has a history of unresolved childhood trauma, who is running in circles, steeped in the pain of a dysfunctional relationship with an addict, who gives her mixed messages and places her worth second to his addiction, and keeps betraying her and thereby replicates her history of trauma, abuse, and victimization. And, she avoids feeling any of the loss and deep sadness and anger. So, she hurts herself and drinks and engages in other dysfunctional behaviors. In sessions, she is able to sit with the feelings for brief moments, and I encourage her to breathe through it. And she comes out on the other side and feels so much better and empowered.
-Several people, who are dealing with the loss a a relationship with family members. They came for treatment after all their attempts to "fix" things failed and they had no choice but to move toward acceptance of the situation. Then the grieving starts, and all the feelings they have been fighting off emerge and FEEL overwhelming. It is like the river that erupts after the dam breaks. As they allow the feelings and move through them, they are able to embrace themselves and feel empowered.
-As I feel stress about the weather, and my commute to and from the office, and the situation in Bahrain, and the status of health care reform, I can take a deep breathe, feel the internal chaos and anxiety and frustration and smile and let it go....allow it it's voice, honor it's voice, then move on.
-I overheard a conversation the other day. Two women were talking about "letting go" of their children, who were high school seniors, contemplating going away to college next Fall. One woman said she was avoiding thinking about it (not allowing her feelings) and would "just deal with it" when it happened. The other woman said she had been dealing with it for the past year, by savoring every moment with her son - the "great" moments of achievements and awards, as well as the "mundane" moments of drives to school and practices and nightly dinners. The second woman has been able to sit with her feelings and allowing herself to honor the pain and loss and thereby using that process to embrace the present.
-An acquaintance was telling me about her migraines. She said when she feels it coming on, she recognizes it as a message from her "self". She becomes quiet and recognizes the fear of "oh no, not again", and allows that, then she usually feels something underneath the fear and that's usually the "cause" of the migraine. She has had success reducing the intensity of the migraine by staying with the root feeling or "cause' and responding to those emotions. As she allows the emotions, the headache often dissipates...She said she used to panic and immediately pop a pill. Now, she accepts that the migraine is a symptom of some "unresponded to" emotion. Acknowledging and allowing the emotion creates the symptom reduction.
Why do we have such an aversion to feeling? We want to feel good, but then avoid anything that we determine feels "bad". Many messages are in the painful feelings and the path to our healing goes through the pain. Resisting keeps it locked up inside of us.
Try this experiment and do a quick scan every day. Be the objective observer and NOTICE what you are feeling. Don't judge the emotion, just notice it, label it if you like. Then ALLOW yourself to just sit with it for a moment or two, hold it, feel it, then imagine it as a mist that fades away or a bird that flies off or a leaf gently moving downstream on a creek.
This is "letting it be". This is accepting and allowing and ultimately moving on. It's not running from or hiding from what hurts.
"When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but will also understand peace and joy"...A Course in Miracles
"Letting it Be" is something I am currently thinking a lot about and trying to actively weave into my daily experiences. "Letting it be", to me, means two things: acknowledging/feeling AND letting go. "Letting it be" means sitting in the stillness of me and the emotion and moment and letting whatever happens, happen. It also means breathing into that "whatever happens" and holding it. Then, I honor the "whatever happens" and smile and breathe again and just...let..go......
Of course, I try to teach this skill to others and I am focused on it more intently recently, because I am learning more about it and seeing the process in a little different light. I'm reading the book "Allowing" by Holly Riley, in which she shares her wonderful story of a near death experience and her subsequent healing process. It's a wonderful book and I recommend it to anyone needing any kind of healing (which isn't that like 99% of us?)
So often, we try not to feel and we do this in all different kinds of ways. Sometimes we outright "stuff" our feelings because we believe they are too painful and we just can't (don't want) to feel them. Other times we more cleverly stuff them by saying we need to change our thoughts about our experiences. This enables us to fast forward through the "feeling" piece and move almost immediately to thinking differently. Ooops. we missed that critical piece in there, the "acknowledging the feeling" piece and honoring it for a moment.....
"Acknowledging the feeling" doesn't mean not feeling. It also doesn't mean staying steeped in the pain. Acknowledging our emotions isn't usually an all-or-nothing venture. Maybe another way to think about it is to see the acknowledgement as an embrace or "hug". We can embrace the moment, hug it and really hold it, then....let go.....
Here's what I have noticed in my clinical work and in my day-to-day going about in the world over the past several days:
-a woman, who has a history of unresolved childhood trauma, who is running in circles, steeped in the pain of a dysfunctional relationship with an addict, who gives her mixed messages and places her worth second to his addiction, and keeps betraying her and thereby replicates her history of trauma, abuse, and victimization. And, she avoids feeling any of the loss and deep sadness and anger. So, she hurts herself and drinks and engages in other dysfunctional behaviors. In sessions, she is able to sit with the feelings for brief moments, and I encourage her to breathe through it. And she comes out on the other side and feels so much better and empowered.
-Several people, who are dealing with the loss a a relationship with family members. They came for treatment after all their attempts to "fix" things failed and they had no choice but to move toward acceptance of the situation. Then the grieving starts, and all the feelings they have been fighting off emerge and FEEL overwhelming. It is like the river that erupts after the dam breaks. As they allow the feelings and move through them, they are able to embrace themselves and feel empowered.
-As I feel stress about the weather, and my commute to and from the office, and the situation in Bahrain, and the status of health care reform, I can take a deep breathe, feel the internal chaos and anxiety and frustration and smile and let it go....allow it it's voice, honor it's voice, then move on.
-I overheard a conversation the other day. Two women were talking about "letting go" of their children, who were high school seniors, contemplating going away to college next Fall. One woman said she was avoiding thinking about it (not allowing her feelings) and would "just deal with it" when it happened. The other woman said she had been dealing with it for the past year, by savoring every moment with her son - the "great" moments of achievements and awards, as well as the "mundane" moments of drives to school and practices and nightly dinners. The second woman has been able to sit with her feelings and allowing herself to honor the pain and loss and thereby using that process to embrace the present.
-An acquaintance was telling me about her migraines. She said when she feels it coming on, she recognizes it as a message from her "self". She becomes quiet and recognizes the fear of "oh no, not again", and allows that, then she usually feels something underneath the fear and that's usually the "cause" of the migraine. She has had success reducing the intensity of the migraine by staying with the root feeling or "cause' and responding to those emotions. As she allows the emotions, the headache often dissipates...She said she used to panic and immediately pop a pill. Now, she accepts that the migraine is a symptom of some "unresponded to" emotion. Acknowledging and allowing the emotion creates the symptom reduction.
Why do we have such an aversion to feeling? We want to feel good, but then avoid anything that we determine feels "bad". Many messages are in the painful feelings and the path to our healing goes through the pain. Resisting keeps it locked up inside of us.
Try this experiment and do a quick scan every day. Be the objective observer and NOTICE what you are feeling. Don't judge the emotion, just notice it, label it if you like. Then ALLOW yourself to just sit with it for a moment or two, hold it, feel it, then imagine it as a mist that fades away or a bird that flies off or a leaf gently moving downstream on a creek.
This is "letting it be". This is accepting and allowing and ultimately moving on. It's not running from or hiding from what hurts.
"When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but will also understand peace and joy"...A Course in Miracles
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