Self Forgiveness - Part II

Yesterday I saw the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and have been pondering the messages the movie brings. One of the central themes, it seems to me, is self forgiveness. In the movie, Liz is desperately trying to come to terms with the end of her marriage and embarks on this journey in attempt to reclaim parts of herself. At the ashram, she meets "Richard from Texas", who is also needing to forgive himself big time. Obviously, they learn about this process from each other.
In my clinical work, I treat people who want to heal. The themes of forgiveness and especially self forgiveness permeate the work. Central elements of self forgiveness are recognizing the impact of our actions on others, and making amends, of sorts, in any way we can. This is how we "let go"; otherwise we stay stuck in guilt.
In my experience, religion has been a strong influence in evoking guilt and self blame in very unhealthy ways. This has seemed to be a dilemma for many people. Even the concept of "grace" does little to dispel the guilt for many people. They say they are "forgiven" yet reiterate that they are "sinners" and continue to berate themselves for "falling short". Sometimes I wonder if God looks at this with tears in his eyes and says, "You just aren't getting it, are you?". We say we want to be like God, yet we hold on to self reproach and can't forgive ourselves, as God has. And if God expects us to follow his example, then he expects us to forgive ourselves.
Maybe we forget the part about making amends......and if we are angry with ourselves, how in the world do we make amends to ourselves???? Religion typically teaches us to be contrite, confess, FEEL BAD. But religion is not very good at teaching us how to compassionately treat ourselves when we screw up. And we do screw up, sometimes a lot.....
Being compassionate with oneself and forgiving oneself is major. It's a LIFE SKILL. You hear all these cliches "practice random acts of kindness", "practice forgiveness". You NEVER hear "practice self kindness' or "practice self forgiveness". It all starts with us, folks. Not in a narcissistic way but in a healing, healthy, spiritual way.

Today I had a final session with a patient, who is transferring care because of an insurance change. We talked about self forgiveness and the nuts and bolts of how she can compassionately treat herself. While she is not yet at the goal of self forgiveness, she can PRACTICE it. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. Don't wait to reach the goal of self forgiveness, start practicing today. Do kind things for yourself.

One of the ways I am compassionate with myself is by being silly or goofy. REALLY. Because it lightens things, helps me to laugh at myself and let go. I stop being so darn serious about life in those moments.

So today, I think we should all practice self forgiveness and self compassion. We should all do kind things for ourselves. We should be silly and goofy. Share your experiences if you wish. I'm still learning this stuff, myself....