The Gift of Fear

August 4......One year ago there was a horrendous shooting at a health club in my community. My daughter was inside. Only a wall separated her from the gunman. Three women died. Three women who had homes and careers and friends and family who loved them deeply. They are irreplaceable. Many others were shot or sustained injuries from bullet fragments. Lives were changed. Everyone who was inside suffered psychological trauma, including staff. First responders experienced emotional trauma as they came upon the scene. Lets not forget family members of all affected. I was one of them. The horror of knowing someone you love so deeply may have been snatched from you in such a violent and senseless way is beyond anything I can describe. I lived that horror in the days and weeks and months that followed. I lived the emotional numbness and sense of everything being surreal. That was a year ago.

One year later....I still feel such a deep sense of sadness for everyone involved. As I sit at my computer now and write, I cry.
One year later....I am so grateful that we are not victims. At least for my daughter and my family, I can say we have moved from victims to survivors to thrivers.
One year later,I still feel the fear, but I am not immobilized by it.
God has shown me a better way...

Pain is an adaptive response. It is the body's way of telling us that something is wrong. Without pain, we often would not even know we are sick or some part of us is malfunctioning. When we have pain, the logical response is to do something about it (self care, seek medical help). It would be irrational to ignore the pain and walk around saying "ouch ouch ouch...it hurts" and do nothing.
I have come to see fear in a similar way. It is like my soul's way of telling me, "something is wrong...it is dark...the world is malfunctioning in some way...go to God" It would be irrational for me to ignore the fear, to walk around saying, "I'm afraid, I'm afraid" and not seek help.

So, I have come to be able to use fear in an adaptive way. My fear is a normal response to an abnormal, maladaptive, crazy world. I can't change the world. But I can change myself and my response to the world. I can acknowledge the fear, allow myself to feel it, but not HANG OUT THERE. I can go elsewhere. I can see the fear as an open door, and invitation to seek God, to find comfort. When I do this, God responds - an unexpected phone call from a friend, a song on the radio as I drive to work, that wonderful feeling of peace that passes all understanding...

In the past year, I have made the decision that I am not going to live in fear any longer. I can see the gift in fear and brings gifts of healing, reconnection, and compassion from it. This is how I move from victim to survivor to thriver.

Peace be with you all.