Death and Taxes

Some life lessons keep returning to us OVER AND OVER AND OVER. I like to see them as "gifts", opportunities to learn and grow and become a better person. Death and taxes are kind of like that - unavoidable and they keep returning to us....

April 15........the day we dread, the day we agonize over........So, like many people my mind has been preoccupied with INCOME TAXES. How much do I owe???? It's the same process every year, worry, worry, worry....how much do I owe?????
It's also April, the month that my sister passed. It's only been four years, so naturally I have been preoccupied with her passing, the anniversary date, DEATH.
DEATH and TAXES.....Wonderful things to be preoccupied with.....

I was talking with some friends recently and we were talking about how the "worry", whatever it is, isn't the real issue. "We never really worry about that which we think we are worrying about". The superficial worries - taxes, tests, deadlines, etc will keep coming and going in life. There will always be something to worry about. The deeper issue is the difficulty trusting LIFE, or our source, or GOD. We had this really interesting discussion about how if we have internal peace, the external stresses stop being a "worry". I have a friend, Joe, who we can always count on to say "It's really very simple, but it's not EASY". Isn't a lot of life like that? Changing our thoughts, our perspective sounds so simple but it is anything but easy.

The taxes are an easier thing to deal with - they are going to keep coming around again and again and again. Every year we pay income taxes, every time we buy something, or see road construction "Your tax dollars at work"....Here's my change in perception - I also like to see children able to go to school and be educated, people without health insurance receive care, beautiful parks and recreation areas. I feel privileged to be a part of paying for this - "MY tax dollars at work". It FEELS so different when I think about it that way.

Death is a more difficult thing to deal with. I lost my mom when I was 22, and my dad when I was 29. When I was a kid, I lost uncles and aunts. Losing a sibling is an entirely different experience. You expect to lose your parents some day, you often lose relatives when you are growing up. But a sister....you just think "well, SOMEDAY, one of us will die first but that won't happen until we are OLD"......

Grief has to happen and is a natural process, it's not dysfunctional to cry and feel such intense pain. As we work through grief, some of the "gifts" start to appear. We think about the person, their characteristics, what they loved and hated, what they stood for, how they lived their life, what made them angry, all the goofy and silly things they did, their imperfections and their passions. And we laugh and we cry and we HONOR them. I feel it is an honor for me to honor my sister. Four years later, I am very much into honoring her.

I feel honored to have had her as my sister. She was 12 years older than me, she was my big sis and she was there for me, in a very real way when I was very young. As I grew up, she continued to be there for me. I don't like to think about how my life would have been or how I would be different if I never had her as my sister.....

I honor her by continuing on in my life, remembering all her goodness and passing it on......Since it is four years later, I have been able to see "gifts" in the loss, much as I have seen in her life. One of the gifts is the renewed awareness of the fragility of life and the decision to embrace each moment. I am very much more in the NOW than I have ever been. Another gift is greater passion to help others. She lived her life serving others and when I am feeling burned out, I draw strength from her example. Another gift is a more relaxed sense of myself. My sister could REALLY be silly and was so much fun. I loved that about her!

Because of my faith, I know she is not gone. She has moved on to the next phase of existence. I know that love does not die and our love REMAINS.

My challenge this month remains to feel what I feel, to see the gifts in all of it. My income taxes are paid, my life goes on. I honor my sister in very real ways and I EMBRACE all that she has taught me about life...

To my sister, Barb, THANKS SO MUCH for who you are and what you gave. Love you!